Jun. 4th, 2016

hijabi: photo of zuko resting his head on his chin in boredom. (zuko bored)
i've left a lot of people behind.

at some point, all of us will. intentionally. unintentionally. hardly any relationship is constant.

you know what's funny? sometimes i miss the people i left on purpose. i shouldn't, though. they treated me like trash. they used me. they stepped all over me and made fun of my religion and laughed in my face when i was distressed. they made me uncomfortable. they said and did things behind my back that i honestly still have a hard time believing.

foolishly, i excused their behavior because friends are supposed to be there for each other no matter what. right? even when they do horrible things?

no. i don't believe that. i never did. so why did i let all those nasty behaviors go?

sometimes in our desperation to be loved and accepted we override common sense. many times i thought my friends were the only people that care. but those people didn't really care about me. not really. and it's sad because some of them i knew for years... some mere months. after a while i realized that i didn't really know them. not that they changed--we tend to stay more or less the same--but my perception of them did.

i regret some of the friendships i got into, but being with them all taught me things. taught me what would happen if i didn't stick up for myself. taught me how it felt to be discouraged by the ones you love. taught me how it felt to be isolated among people. taught me that i could be a real idiot and do the meanest, vilest of things.

in the end, i'm glad for the good and the bad. i wan to do better, i want to be better than who i used to be and who i used to hang out with.

part of why i made this dw is to chronicle myself so i can look back and reflect. laugh, cringe, and maybe even cry to see how far i've gone on the path to change.

i pray to God that i don't end up going back to my old habits because i really don't like the person i was.

do i feel lonely right now? a little. but that's because at the moment i don't have friends. i just moved. my surroundings are unfamiliar and i have no idea if the nearby masjids are good or not. but i'm not letting that worry me just yet. Allah is near, and he answers the call of the one who calls on him. i just have to be patient and seek the best path i can take.

so it's about that time again. another transition period, hand on a suitcase and bus pass in the other. once i get off the bus i'll find hop onto a train, and that train will lead somewhere i'll face new challenges and joys.

it's time to really make my soul shine.
hijabi: photo of zuko looking away, clearly tired and uncomfortable. (Default)
i tend to overuse the same literary devices and sentence structures. i know, i know, i'm a bad bad writer.

i'll cut myself a little slack since i haven't written in a while but seriously. get it together! you know you can do better than this.

get active on forums. even if you just lurk all day have the initiative to take some notes! read writing contests! enter writing contests! get into a word processor or text field or iphone app or something and draft a compelling story!!! forget about typos. write now, take break, edit later.

i expect you to close the tab as soon as you post this entry. don't even stop to read it. go, go, go!
hijabi: photo of zuko with eyes open and mouth open wide in surprise. (zuko shocked)
there was a point in my life where i wouldn't touch slice of life anime with a 10-foot internet pole.

now look at me.

kiniro mosaic follows the more typical episode format while yama no susume (AKA encouragement of climb) is more of a miniseries. 

the first episode of kinmoza filled me with such fuzzy feelings. i can't remember ever watching an anime about preteen girls that was so wholesome. (plus no romance! yes!!! goodbye annoying shoujo tropes!) i'm all about cultural exchange and languages.

as embarrassing as it is to admit it i originally learned japanese because of anime. it's not my second language, nor is it even my third--i just love syntax and grammar and all those linguistic goodies.

so back to the shows themselves! personally i prefer yama no susume at the moment. story and character development draw me in and hooey is that something this show does well in only three minutes per episode. what motivates people? what problems was i also facing at that time in my life? how do these events apply to my life now? to other kids' lives now? how do i sculpt dialogue and scenarios that resonate with people?

i'd like to write children's literature and juvenile (middle grade) fiction along with YA novels (free of word count-inflating romantic elements). at first i thought i'd write the juvie fic, but now i feel a little more compelled towards something aimed at older teens. something... a little more complex.

anyways, i'm only a little ways into both animated series but i just wanted to jot down some thoughts on these new shows. hooray for strong female friendships!!!

seeya 'round!

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hijabi: photo of zuko looking away, clearly tired and uncomfortable. (Default)
hijabi / hinata

September 2016

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