Jun. 8th, 2016

hijabi: photo of hinata smiling with closed eyes. (hinata happy)
nothing special happened at the masjid tonight, but i went for the first time this month so i was so excited to see how the old place changed! the layout is the same and there have been some minor switches here and there. ultimately, it's still the same masjid i know and love from my childhood.

the idea i might not see people my age there worried me. to my surprise, a whole study circle with people my age was going on. huzzah! (thanks, God.)

it's like 2 am though and i want to make it tomorrow as well. won't be able to attend each night unless i find some rides to and from. nevertheless i believe things will work out. i'm having a fabulous time this ramadan, and i hopeyou are too regardless of your religion, whoever may be reading this!
hijabi: photo of hinata looking out forlornly. (hinata sad)
you know, my favorite thing about stories and interactive media are how profoundly a piece can affect you. this is precisely why i decided to get back into fandom and such. i miss the theories and soeculation and how it all relates back to me, my life, and everyone i'll ever interact with.

reading kiznaiver theories is... really making me look into myself.

i tend to bottle up pain. it's my go-to defense mechanism. i never knew how to handle emotional pain so i'd find all kinds of ways to avoid it.
  • ignore the pain
  • evade thinking about the sources of pain
  • not confronting my feelings
  • distracting myself with other concerns 
i don't know. i'm thankful i never self harmed because for me, personally, that might have been harder to give up. all these years of journaling gave me pretty good insight as to who i am and my reaction tendencies. like i said though, it's been a while.

i noticed i've been falling back into old habits. holding back. denying myself emotions. it's not healthy. it's possible to acknowledge thoughts and feelings without acting on them. that's something i've yet to internalize. maybe i'm scared that i won't be able to control myself? that's probably it. i'm impulsive and a bit weak-willed, but hey, just like zuko (oh boy here we go with the avatar lol) i'm also capable of change.

it's nice to write these reminders for myself.

ruh-roh

Jun. 8th, 2016 06:08 pm
hijabi: photo of hinata looking confused and worried. (hinata worried)
lol why do i not think things through before making plans??? my memory is so leaky lol i need to literally write e v e r y t h i n g down

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hijabi / hinata

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